How can you regain trust and self-assurance when your boyfriend lied to you a couple of times but promises he's changed?

Answer

Answer

The only way to do that is for him to first admit he hurt you by lying to you (hoping he's already done that) and for him to not only tell you he won't do it again but show you he won't. Showing you will take time and can only occur through normal everyday things. If he is truly commited to you and your relationship he should understand this and work hard to prove to you he won't do it again. If he is not willing to do that then I would think he is just going to do it again in the future. If he is willing to do it then he should accept the fact that you are 'watching' him. You should not inerrogate him about things but at the sametime, you need to watch what he does and ask the right questions whenever you think he might be lying.

Answer

give him another chance because everyone, no matter what they do in this world, has done something wrong in there past and they regret it. Don't listen to the people that tell you to move on. If you still have feeling for this person you obviously have a little faith that things might work out. Everyone deserves a second chance in life, Do be carefull. Do watch him. But don't go to the extent to spy on him. If he lies to you about small things just tell him that its not working out. And then move on.

Answer

I think that the only way to trust someone is by taking a leap of faith. If you choose to forgive him for lying to you you need to 'forget' in a way that he did lie to you and give him the chance to hurt you again. Let him in again and trust him. Be careful but don't throw his past lies in his face all the time or you'll have no chance. If you want this to work with him unfortunately you have to give him the chance to lie to you again. If he doesn't then things should work out, if he does then you'll know. Be careful what you believe though - truth is sometimes stranger than fiction and this can be hard for someone trying to regain trust from someone they love.

Answer

Firstly, what was the lie about? If it was a big thing like cheating or spending lots of money or even where they were be careful. People usually have a pattern to their behavior. A person cannot change for your sake and if asked they will eventually go back to who they really are. Bottom line, they should not lie. That doesn't mean that you need to know everything all the time because keeping some things private is healthy. It is unhealthy to be dishonest with someone you love and respect. Take some time and see if you can figure out their motivation for the lie in the first place. Do they fear your reaction and if so why? Don't misunderstand me, it may be that your reaction is completely appropriate. If I want to do something and feel I will need to keep it a real secret from the person in my life I question why I would do it to begin with. If I have to hide I am not being honest with myself or the person I am sharing my life with. Lying is never a good thing and it sounds like they have already established a pattern by continued promises to stop the behavior to begin with. Walk slowly and keep you eyes open. Blessings

Answer

Trust in a person takes a few seconds to lose but a lifetime to gain.

I broke the trust of a very close friend. I would do anything to regain her trust. I would give up everything I own. I would do anything she asked of me. She forgave me but she will not, even if she tries - forget. It is human instinct to be cautious. Extra cautious if someone betrays your trust. Things will never be the same again. no matter what I say or do. I am not a bad person, I lied because I feared her reaction at the truth.

Your relationship will never be the same again. The atmosphere will be different. There is nothing you can do about this. Time is a great healer, and over time you may trust again. But never with the same intensity as before. Things will be different from now on.

Answer

Imagine lieing to your boyfriend whom you love, and realize you made a huge mistake, then geniunely asking your boyfriend to forgive you and promising him you've changed; what would you hope his answer be?Now once you answer this question, you'll know what to do..Put yourself in his place, have a little faith in the relationship if you love him and want the relationship to work.But if he does this again after you forgive him than why be with him?But everyone makes mistakes for now try to trust him.

Answer

Don't try! Dating is a chance to get to know someone and decide if you could love them for a lifetime. Take this opportunity to find a person you can trust. It is hard enough to be in a relationship with anyone let alone someone who isn't doing his best to help you put your trust in him! Do not put up with someone lying to you, little or big. Just don't do it. Practice being a person others can trust, think the best about others and give grace, but you do not have to be that person's girlfriend etc. Protect your heart.

Answer

You must give him the benefit of the doubt and assure him that honesty is the best policy with you. Dont harp on him but let him know that in no uncertain terms will you tolerate any fibs in the future and if he breaks his word, dump him. You deserve to have a partner that has respect for you not to lie.

Answer

You must give him the benefit of the doubt and assure him that honesty is the best policy with you. Dont harp on him but let him know that in no uncertain terms will you tolerate any fibs in the future and if he breaks his word, dump him. You deserve to have a partner that has respect for you not to lie.

Answer

Darling, once a cheater always a cheater. They can say they can change but really they never will. They all live in a world of denial. I lived with one of those and they will never change. The best thing to do although hard, is just accept that is they way they are will always be. You can do so much better. The world is a big place and there are plenty of wonderful people out there. You shouldn't have to put up with liars.

Answer

okay thats a fair enough opinion. I'm just taking a wild guess and I'm willing to bet it still hurts today. The wounds really never heal. I am a guy and I guess I could contribute from a male perspective. I was in a relationship with the perfect girl. Smart, funny, beautiful and such a bouncy, vibrant personality. Long story short I messed up. bad. I kissed another woman. As you might have guessed it hit the fan. Literally. I had half the school wanting to kill me, but that didnt bother me. I almost wish they had of but the thing that burnt the most is how deeply it impacted her and how badly that made me feel. I know you may be thinking that I deserved that treatment and that it was nothing compared to what she was feeling and your absolutely right. It was the biggest mistake of my life and even today, months later it still haunts me. Thing is, we were estranged for a week. I couldn't face her it hurt way too much. This was during a time when I slipped off the tracks with health reasons and making a lot of bad choices about my life. But what pulled me through that came after that week of estrangement. A mate texted me and said "mate go round to her place she wants to talk". I ran the whole way there (and bear in mind that mate will probably be best man at my wedding =]). But I went around there and we talked. We connected and one of the largest problems was that we hadn't been communicating properly. I told her that I wanted us to make things the way they were before and that we could do anything if we tried. Something must have gotten through because we spent the entire next day together. It was such a perfect day. Day after that I went back around to her place after school and we got talking. She decided to take me back and since then, we've both been walking on air. It's been like some fantastic dream. Everyone told her to get over me and move on, but she saw a glimmer of hope, a tiny light that she reached out and grabbed. Morale of the story is that if your boyfriend has lied to you, look deep inside and if you see that light, then reach out and take it. If its not meant to be, it'll fall apart soon enough and I know its that pain all over again but imagine if that guy really did change and was ready to be completely and undyingly dedicated to you? could you really live not knowing whether he'd live up to that chance? It depends on the situation. There will be issues. and pain. and it will take time to heal. But people can change. I did and I now see how I was acting (a mate of mine is going through the same thing with his girlfriend. seeing it through another's eyes, another perspective was really the icing on the cake). I love this girl, we're still together and it feels as though we can do anything. If in another few months it's the same. great. if in a few years we're still together. excellent. if we end up spending my life with her. perfect. i'll know that i spent it with the girl i was meant to be with. If you've put way to much into a relationship to watch it die, then fight for it. forgive and if it stills falls apart, you need to face the hard truth that it simply wasn't meant to be. Just remember not all men are pigs. every once in a awhile, there will be a guy who may not be as hot as the guy who hurt you but will be so many more times nicer he'll sweep you off your feet. peace and prayers.

Answer

He probably hasn't changed even if he wants to change or thinks he has. It depends what he lied about and how much effort he's putting into changing.

Answer

I would say that he has used up all of his chances as far as what he Says. Look at his Actions--is he living up to his promises? If you have given him two chances that he has not managed to honor, I would say that the future with him is going to be just like the past. Let him go.

First answer by anonymous. Last edit by Vume5. Contributor trust: 33 [recommend contributor]. Question popularity: 181 [recommend question]