Why do guys hate to commit when they initiated the relationship to begin with?

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I'll start with the second half of the question: "they initiated the relationship." What does it take to initiate a relationship? Some courage, although it could be cockiness too :) An attraction to the person one is pursuing. A desire to begin a relationship with that person. Bottom line - it takes some interest in another person and some guts.

Now let's look at the first half of the question: "why do guys hate to commit?" What does it take to commit? Well, for one thing, a very serious attraction to the person, usually involving mind and body. For another thing, which has NOTHING to do with the girl and how wonderful she is, the ability and desire to be in a committed relationship. Also, the willingness to "forsake all others" (you know, the part in the marriage vows) and be loyal to one person.

It seems to me that it's a heck of a lot easier to initiate a relationship than to stay in one. Therefore, there is NO connection, guarantee, or even a vague suggestion that a man who initiates a relationship is going to commit to it. There's NO CORRELATION between the two.

How CAN you tell if a man is interested in being committed to you, if you can't tell by the fact that he's pursuing you in the beginning? Well, for that you have to look a little deeper at his CHARACTER. The whole point in dating is to figure out whether he is a very decent guy, and that's why you don't commit your whole heart to a guy in the very beginning without getting to know whether he's commitment-able in the first place. Meanwhile, you should be checking out whether he's good for you in other ways. Also, you have to be PATIENT. How on earth can you expect a guy to commit to you after the first date? As soon as things go beyond kissing, he should not be dating anyone else. But as far as making him promise you that the relationship will not end...that's foolish. Because both of you need time to figure that out.

So maybe it's time to change your question: "How do I know if a guy is able to commit AND someone worth committing to?"

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If they're not just looking for what they get at the start of a relationship, they may love you but they know or suspect that they won't love you in 5 or in 50 years.
While you can commit to someone, you can't possibly honestly promise to feel love for someone for the rest of your life, not if you have any brains left. You can't just decide your feelings, though you can influence them.

If by "commit" you mean "marry", there's the simple fact that marriage is a very binding and possibly highly punitive contract that has little to do with love. Only love-blind, pressurized or cold-reasoning people marry.

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Think about why you want him to commit, what effects of commitment are important to you. He may agree to a lower level of commitment that satisfies you.

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Ahh...the million-dollar question. I've just ordered a book by George Weinberg on this very topic. You might search on the internet for some of his articles. They're very insightful. Hope this is helpful; I know how frustrating it is!

I'm sorry ladies but the answer is very simple. Men are driven by the urge to reproduce- and in the modern age this phenomenon has translated into the need to insert themselves into as many women as possible. A man will instigate a relationship merely for the pleasure of the act itself and no more... Once the gloss has worn off... nah, can't be bothered. You have to realise this and except it or go for other women. Men who commit are few and far between, so if you have any doubt about your man, dump and move on. I say this from the position of a man of five decades- three and a half of which were used in the pursuit of new conquests. I've been married for twenty five years but, i have to admit I am still driven by forces instilled into my DNA. It's harsh but true.

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Could be that they wanted something they previously couldn't have. The hunt! Maybe they were SUPER horney for you too. Both men and women can act like that.

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They need to be motivated

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Trust me on this one... A guy only gets scared if there is too much pressure! It's the same for gals too! Let them think that you don't want to be serious with them, and that you are not looking for a very serious relationship. This will make them think WHY? AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR THIS GAL? WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS TO NOT WANT ME? And there you go; they will want you to be serious with them just because they think you don't want them. It's a difficult road to take, but if you truly believe that he is the one then you should show them how confident you are and how allot of guys want you. Trust me, I always get the man I want and I know exactly how...it's very simple, just don't become "desparate" In their eyes!

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Ahhhh...Men are all the same! I think you already know it. But anyway,they don't want to be responsible for the when it's time to break up. I mean they don't want to be the ones with the mistake on their shoulders.

Hmmm...

I really don't know. I'm a man myself but I've never been afraid of commitment. The only thing I wouldn't rush into is having kids.

First answer by anonymous. Last edit by Vume5. Contributor trust: 33 [recommend contributor]. Question popularity: 181 [recommend question]